Confessions From The Hart

[Brian Hart]

It's funny that Sofia claimed I was nominated only for the reasons she said, when the reason she gave was a flat out LIE. Every time I've said "goodnight" or "cya" to someone other than like 2 situations where I literally had to get up and go right there and then because of real life, I've given like a 10 minute window to answer back, if not more. Anybody with a brain knows it. Plus, the thought of Sofia of all people claiming that somebody else is unbearable to talk to is the funniest fucking thing I've heard all season so far.

Bitch don't know what she started, and when I get through this week, there's just one thing I'll need to know from her.

[Brian Hart]

This situation really is pretty stupid, and the more I think about it, the more frustrated and the more annoyed by it all I get. Yeah, it's clear talking to Sofia that she's just trying to mind-game me and make me get pissed at everyone, start an argument on the board with her, or fuck up in general, but it still sucks. Obviously I wouldn't expect people to make a scene and go off on Sofia about trying to speak for everyone despite either being around less than most people, or constantly invisible all the damn time. Shit like this seriously just makes me feel all the more justified in wanting to nominate her, and after what she pulled I don't feel bad at all about pretending like I wouldn't have straight up nominated her and been all the more right to do so.

I can't stress how important this Veto is going to be. I need to win it to make sure I stay alive for sure, and one of Sarah, Zach, or Brittany also need to win it to ensure that we don't go losing a member. Then I can give Sofia a nice taste of karma and get her the hell out of here like she should've been rounds ago. Realistically speaking though, I think Mike feels especially like I need him, or at least like I feel close to him (I do actually kinda like the guy so far). It's not unreasonable to think that he could be talked into using the Veto on me if he won it, and I think I likely have his vote and Neda's to stay. Also, I feel as confident as you can get without asking for trouble that I'd have Brittany's vote, and Zach told me I'd have his to stay, so if all goes by what would make the most rational and logical sense, I should be all right even in a worst-case scenario.

Sofia can try and get me to give up, or treat her ridiculous actions, reasons, and behaviour as anything other than what they are, but I'm not going to cave. Even though it sucked hearing those things, I've been spending the whole game preparing for the "just in case" situation like this, and I'm not down or out yet. We may have to eventually implode, but Sofia broke the first rule of the season with this shit: DON'T fuck with a Hellion.

[Brian Hart]

Oh you fucking, stupid, no good, horseshoe ass shoving, BITCH.

[Brian Hart]

To say I hate this situation would probably be an understatement since regardless of what the outcome is, either the 'best case' is I stay but have to move on without having Sarah to depend on as well, or the obvious worst case is me going home. So far though, Zach and Brittany have both said they're keeping me, and Luke said he's planning on keeping Sarah. I was talking to Mike as well, and he seemed to be pushing for me to stay, and he actually sent me a private message telling me that he'd spoken to Neda and that she was planning on keeping me as well. Shit, it's times like this I'm really glad I as able to calm myself down and talk myself out of that whole ridiculous "let's backdoor Neda!" nonsense from a few rounds back, that would've resulted in absolutely nothing good whatsoever and made me instantly regret it in every conceivable way. That, and well...the fact that rationally it didn't even make fucking sense.

Speaking of not making sense, the fact that things so much have been in our favour when it comes to "the odds of this" and "chances of this" to where it's like 75%-90% in our favour with things still going wrong really is a sight to behold. I mean, logically speaking, the thing that defies the odds and is the "10%" should never be what happens most of the time, so for it to actually be the case here, since coming from a common sense perspective we should've won most of the competitions. Hell, coming from that me not having won something yet actually kind of defies logic now that I sit here and think about it. I guess Lady Luck must hate me, or think I called her fat or...well, something like that.

All that being said, with Sam telling me that he'd keep me if noms stayed the same the last time we talked, the vote SHOULD, if it goes by what makes the most sense, be 5-1 in favour of me staying. Of course, if things went as they should've or as they were more likely to then I would've never wound up in this situation now in the first place. Either way though, I think that (as much as somebody can without asking for it or being unreasonable) I should be staying. And if I do? Then, I'm not going to forget about this one, or let it slide. After all, this just makes any future nominations I make all that much easier.

[Brian Hart]

*sigh* Son of a bitch. This thing always fucks with me because some of us happen to not watch foreign seasons of Big Brother.

Then again, I watched so little of BB16 that Brit had to remind me Brittany was actually in it due to me trying to mentally erase everything BBUS related post-BB14.

[Brian Hart]

Huh, researching I forgot how distinctive Sarah's voice is...and I probably won't even have to study Wil's. And dammit for having the first video with Luke in it that comes up being him showing his balls off camera to the girls in the house. Well...at least it's hilariously in character with how the guy playing Luke here has been.

[Brian Hart]

You know, I SHOULD have been happy and ecstatic that the HOH was guaranteed to be between Sam/Brittany/Zach, but I wasn't. I'm flat out pissed because I should've been able to be right there with them for it, or at least like 17/18. But of course the Big Brother gods, or lady luck or whatever evidently seem to hate me because as luck would have it, for the 2nd HOH in a row, I come out looking like a total idiot. I'm just...ugh, I'm just so disappointed because I know I'm solid at competitions and challenges, and it drives me insane how stuff like this doesn't properly reflect my ability and makes me look weak, when I'm not.

I can kick just as much ass as anybody, I just need to clear my head. On the plus side, I should realistically be safe this week, so maybe I'll get randomly picked to play in POV and can make up for this there.

[Brian Hart]

So...this happened today in a PM from Zach:

"now don't freak out but I think it's best for my game if I use you as a pawn this week. Don'thateme

For one I know it's a guarantee you stay with the votes of Brittany sam and neda/mike. It would look odd to some people I'd I didn't put you up. It's not that I don't think you're not pulling your weight in an alliance it's that people are speculating you might be throwing competitions and playing that type of game."


Once again...

"people are speculating you might be throwing competitions and playing that type of game"





Now, I know I should be pissed that he's thinking of using me as a pawn, and that how he said later he was going to put me up next to Luke so he wouldn't make an enemy out of Sofia and could backdoor her but...

...This is absolutely freaking hilarious! Seriously, if he's actually telling the truth on that, I should totally run with this shit, and if I get to the end just totally be like "yeah, early on it wasn't in my best interest to win HOH because of deals I made". Would it be a little bit of a white lie to make my lack of competition success and bad luck sound better? Of course it would be! It's just too hilarious and potentially awesome of an idea that it might just be able to work and I might even be able to get away with it!

[Brian Hart]

(Sorry that this is super long, but it's actually substance I swear, and I wanted to make up for not doing as many DRs as usual the past 5 days or so.)

Well, another round of not having HOH or POV by the end of it, which sucks since I'm still on the block. Just like last round though, I should rationally be alright if everybody that I've talked to who has told me that they're voting to keep me does what would indeed be in their best interest. Strangely enough though, Luke told me that he thinks Sofia is going to vote to keep me. That's far from what I would or do expect to happen, but she did, then the only way I could see it happening is if 3 or 4 people have already said that they're keeping me and she decided not to risk being in the minority. Of course, while I'm being cautious of just trusting on that without talking to her, I naturally have to avoid fucking myself over and getting evicted over being stupid for the rest of the day.

Speaking of Sofia though, I kind of think something might be up between her and Zach. I mean yeah, I get that he really wants Luke out, and I'm certainly in a position where I hope Luke does go considering what the alternative is, but it's a situation that never should've come about in the first place. Like, I should not have to be the one to be the nomination pawn just so he can avoid possibly getting Sofia mad at him. Yes, I get it kind of for the initial nominees in terms of a "just in case" scenario, but not for the final one. Zach won the POV too, which means that he could've used it on me, put up Sofia, and got out potentially the biggest threat in the game outside of our group without her being able to do a damn thing about it, but watch. Sure, I like the guy, but I kinda wanted to smack him when he was like "I have this great idea, I won't use the Veto so Sofia's safe and will put you at risk just so I can waste the week on Luke!"and be like "what the hell are you thinking?".



Sure, I could be wrong on him having a side deal with Sofia, but it seems suspicious at the very least since, while I really do mean this in "no offense intended" way, Luke seems to actually have even worse luck in the competitions than I do, and even if Zach were to get put up by him, Brit, Sam, and I would have the votes to guarantee he stays. All of this is making me think that while Sofia may be the clear biggest threat outside of our alliance, that Zach is the clear big threat INSIDE the alliance, and would most likely beat any of us in the Final 2. I wouldn't be overly surprised if in ensuring Luke goes, he did it to try and ensure that he stays around longer as "the one that can beat Sofia to help ensure she goes" so that Brittany and I won't look at him as outliving his usefulness.

Even with that being said, it's potentially best if I seriously consider using my non-Hellion connections with Mike and Neda to try and make a move on him at Final 6, or Final 5 at the latest since I have no doubt he can win the Final HOH or things at Final 4. I just hope if I've come across something that I'll still be here this time tomorrow to look into it, and that if I haven't, that I'll be around to correct myself.

[Brian Hart]

Well...that mess happened. By a few seconds too. This really isn't doing much in the way of positively affecting any respect the other players have for me. Maybe one of them knows a witch doctor specializing in lifting curses...

[Brian Hart]

(Warning: the following contains rather foul language)

*Sigh* I really should've saved that Offspring GIF for now. Seriously, fuck you Sam, you stupid piece of shit. And fuck you Zach for actually fucking taking his side. Neither one of them listened to a single fucking thing I say, and they're probably sleeping in the same fucking bed as Sofia for all I know. Either that or they're total fucking pussies.

We're supposed to be in an alliance you fuck-dumbasses, and if this round doesn't somehow end with Sofia going up and going home as it SHOULD and I'm still around, then I may as well offer up a fucking Final 2 to Sofia of all people. These idiots want her to fucking stay, then fine, she'll stay, and I'll laugh as she burns them all alive. And if they're lucky, then I'll piss on the ashes since it'd still be more respectful and considerate than the lack of consideration they gave me.

At least Brittany understands where I'm coming from and listened to me. You know, as opposed to making up a false bullshit excuse, being a pussy, and expecting me to just be fine with going on the block despite the fact I almost literally said "fuck no, I won't be 'okay' with going on the block again!" and almost begged Sam not to put me through this shit AGAIN. There better be some like backdoor or "Veto Brian" plan or some shit though, because I've had enough of this, and I'm seriously on the edge right now.

[Brian Hart]

I have to admit that I wasn't really all that surprised that I got messed up by that one image and pretty much ultimately lost the Veto as a result of it. At least it was a bit of a turn around from the terrible competition luck I've been experiencing over the past couple of rounds. Sam still made a terrible fucking move in nominating me instead of going after Sofia, and Zach was still admittedly being a tool by not listening to anything I said and siding with him. Fortunately, there's still time for Zach and Sam to rectify that and correct their, if we're being honest with ourselves here, pretty stupid mistake. Seriously, if Zach vetoes me and Sam puts up Sofia, then it works out better for everybody that's not named Sofia.

Like, this is such a painfully easy, simple, smart, and obvious thing to do that the fact at least Sam has any sort of hesitation or downright refusal to do it, on account of me not having spoken to Zach post-Veto, is ridiculous. Hopefully when I talk to Zach, I can get him to understand that Vetoing me to get Sofia up and out is best for everybody, including him and including Sam. If they don't, and I wind up going home, then I admittedly have no intentions of voting for Sam or Zach at the end unless they're the Final 2 because I feel no inclination to reward people that don't listen to or give a shit about people that they're supposed to be allies with. If they DO however do what they should have done and understand the bigger picture then yeah, I can understand that they're trying to make up for and rectify their mistakes and try to move past it.

Of course, if they completely disregard my input, my advice, my thoughts, feelings, and attempts to do what's best for everybody involved INCLUDING them, and I say...Well, then it's entirely possible this round is going to end with a line getting crossed that there's no coming back from. And they'll sadly have nobody to blame but themselves.

[Brian Hart]

So Zach totally just went and decided not to use the Veto without even answering my PM. And without even attempting to message me or talk to me. Seriously, had I not sent a PM to him, he wouldn't have spoken to me at all since that pre-nomination discussion since he never once came on AIM. Sam kept shooting down my ideas, refused to listen to reason at all, and just continued to be as close-minded, and bone-headed as he's been all round.

I'm sorry, but this whole group was my fucking idea, and I'm the one that put it together. It's an individual game sure, but it's a damn alliance that I've been doing things to try and get everyone as far as possible and have been looking out for. Seriously, I'm the loyal and important one here, and I'm not going to just sit idly by while I get treated like I'm James fucking Rhine or something. I've given them chance after chance to listen to me, to give me the same consideration and respect that the two of them give each other and that I've given them.

It's pretty clear from this though that they just don't give a shit, and likely never will, so I should just flat out stop looking out for Sam and Zach. Thank whatever Big Brother gods are there for Brittany since at least if she were to turn out to be playing me, using me, and against me, she'd be much smarted about it and going about it in a much better way than those two. While I need Sam and Zach most likely to stay this round, they've had 4 chances to make things right and make them up to me, and while I certainly want to stay, keeping me after putting me in this position twice in a row despite knowing I hated the idea and clearly wanted no part of it doesn't right things.

That's okay though, this just means I have the okay to switch things up a bit and see how it goes when the shoe's on the other foot. After all, there's only so much a man can take.